Tyler Blanket

apres tou ce que nous avons fait, la main dans la main, un sourire sur mon visage, notre tete et cœurs dans le ciel, mais notre pieds sur la terre, nous disaraissons et attendre pour notre debut nouveau.

I’m having ridiculous stomach pains right now. I can’t eat, I can barely walk. It hurts so bad. I can’t even eat.

And yet, I am so ludicrously happy right now. I can’t stop smiling.

That is what you do to me.

In real life I’m actually a relatively cool person. Maybe cool is the wrong word to use, but I’m certainly successful in the high school social arena. And I’m not going to lie, even though I’m not that old, I’ve figured out how to get people. If there’s a boy (or a girl) that I like, I can usually get close to them. And I’m not talking about a wham bam thank you ma’am, because there’s nothing sexual about, (sex is the last thing on my mind) I’m just saying that if I want someone to like me, it’s usually not a difficult task to accomplish. And there’s a reason for that. It’s not because I’m attractive (I’m average. I promise) or that I’m particularly good at sports or such (because I’m not. at all.) but I do have a couple major things going for me. I have my words. and I have my brain. Those two together are a powerful weapon against people.

But, (and here’s the part where it gets sticky) trying to think of what to say, what to do when I’m talking to you, I go from being a relatively successful teenager, who knows what to say and what to do, to a terrified and thoroughly confused little boy. I have no idea what to say, and when I do manage to pull the words out of my brain, and through my mouth, they come out wrong, and I end up feeling like an ass. I have no idea what to do or say and that scares me beyond belief. I imagine that it has to be a sign, (who knows if good or bad) that you throw me out of my comfort zone. And god knows, this is a ridiculous cliche for me to be saying, but it’s damn true.

This is my poetry, this is my way of expressing myself to you. I can’t seem to pull myself together when we’re talking, so sitting here, mulling over the words that run through my head, putting them in an orderly fashion like little toy soldiers, and sending them off to their demise, it’s much easier. I’m not sure what the hell that was supposed to accomplish.

I’m not even entirely sure what I just said. Seriously, I’m not.

Cathartic much?

I would give almost anything right now for you to be here with me. Dance together with the music so loud you cant hear yourself think, ride bikes through the hills around my city, hike to the top of the hill, look down on the people, size of ants, scurrying about their lives. I would give so much to see you, to hug you, to hold you. Life feels so incomplete without something I’ve never had. Insanity eh?

I can’t stop looking forward to the day when we get to be together again, even though that day is so far away. The day when I can look into your eyes, and do my best to convey just how much I care about you. That day is going to rock.

Until then however, I get to dance here by myself, rocking out to the music I know we both like, I get to ride my bike by myself, and climb that hill, looking down on the people who are for the most part, happy. I can sit here, on the peak, all alone, but rest in the solace that one day, you’ll be sitting here next to me, looking down on them too.